Suffocate
by lilylynn
Summary: To regain something, you have to let go.


This is just a little something I felt like posting. Very short, written in an hour. Isn't the best but I like it. I've got a few things planned for this summer to work on. All my other shows ending for the summer left me in a writing mood! Now to find the time!

I own nothing of Lie To Me. Still missing the show desperately. Drop me a line! Thank you!

x.x.x.x.x.x

To suffocate. To have no room for breath. Feeling every hope of survival slip out of your grasp. This is what it means to be in Cal Lightmans' presence.

I can barely breathe around him. Like a hand gripping each lung, forcing my airways tight; I can never breathe easy. I pray to be saved, to be freed from the torture. I've got to escape. I am always suffocating in his eyes; his voice cutting all help and any chance of making it out alive, away from me. That accent, thick and heavy in the air sends chills down my spine.

He's next to me now, invading the space I keep. Reading what I wasn't showing. Or was I?

Chest heaving, silent on the outside but screaming within, I bite my lip to harbor the sound.

Heat settles in my face and my sight is beginning to become hazy. Heat pools down low and I realize I've lost my control. Perhaps that's what needs to happen. The reins have to be abandoned at some point. To regain something you have to let go.

My desk, suddenly too small, is hot beneath my fingers as I press hard upon the wood. I almost dig my nails into the surface, wanting to claw my way out but I know what I must do instead.

Blood pumping through my veins, every sense focused to the man standing beside me, I blink.

Suddenly all I want is grab him and steal his breath. Take back what was taken from me. Restoring my lungs and life back to normal and leaving him with the same fate I had faced. Overwhelmed with the utmost need to rise above, I follow that want.

Bracing upon my weak legs, I catch him by surprise. I was fighting to survive, to overcome this suffocation and I couldn't stop now. Otherwise I would fail and forever remain with no air. He was not going to win. He will not succeed in holding me down. A loud thud is heard as my chair collides into the wall with the passion my standing induced.

I was angry. I was pissed. I was feeling rebellious and terrified all at once. My eyes are sharp now, piercing, and I have never seen so clearly in my life.

Little did I know he was my savior? If I had figured that out earlier, all this suffering and need would not have been in vain.

The instant I took hold of him by the shoulders I could feel the difference. The thread had snapped. And we were falling. Free falling with no urge to stop. My lips upon his and my breath restored. Life poured out of him, surrounded him. I felt weightless as his embrace lifted me off the very ground. His back against the wall in my quiet, dim office, hands exploring, my chest heaved, but in a different way. The friction, the abandon, everything collided, everything embraced.

No fear, no more suffocating. I can breathe. Letting go of the wheel brought exhilaration. He let go too, giving back what he unknowingly or perhaps knowingly took from me. The cocky, frustrating man that he is was actually sharing. But as his lips caress mine, I realize that he had been holding back too. We both were holding out, trying so hard to be safe for the other. That goes to show the true care we put into each other. Breathing him in, my prayers are answered.

Now that we have passed that hurdle the horizon was endless. The possibilities were alluring and so very capable.

Instead of easing the fire inside, we feed the flames. We twist and turn not in agony but in the salvation of finding what we both were looking for. Nothing had ever felt as right as his body pressed up against mine. His chest is quivering with emotion as I feel the breath between us.

This was right in front of us all this time, if only the line would not have been hoarding above, shadowing the truth.

I found my way out and into his arms. All the torture of past years…gone. All the stupid games and mind tricks…diminished. Though I am sure that I know Cal very well and he always has something up his sleeve, so I may be taking those words back later.

Fair game or unfair game didn't matter anymore. There is no winner…just us together.

And I can breathe again.

Being in his presence is still uneasy but now I know just what to do to calm the waters. Now I embrace his close proximity, his tight corners and small spaces. The claustrophobia smooth's out and I don't shy away or break down.

I breathe.


End file.
